One More Time!
by Jessy Antichrist
Summary: Been having trouble with the new TR game? Me too. This is what I did. R for language.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Tomb Raider or Lara Croft. Though I do have an action figure of her that I froze in a cup of water and kept in the freezer, you know, so future generations will be able to study and learn from it. I do own Jessy though. You take and I'll eat your face off! RAH!!!**  
  
**Author Insanity: Expect weirdness! All frustrations of the new game revealed! Bring me a monkey in a belhop suit! I command you! Also be warned, there will be lots of cussing, since I have a bad habit of doing that.....WIZAH!!!**  
  
One More Time!!  
  
"DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!" Jessy slung the controller down. "Why the hell is this called next generation gaming when it still fucks up like games from 20 years ago??!!"  
  
The culprit of this temper tantrum? A videogame. But not just any videogame. The long awaited and much anticipated Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness. It came bearing promises of revolutionizing the series with enhanced enemy A.I., body upgrades, and astounding graphics and smoother gameplay. Did it deliver? No. ((What did you expect? I wouldn't be writing this otherwise!)) The end result of this defective product is the breakdown of many people's already stretched out sanity.   
  
Jessy pushed her hair out of her face and took a deep breath. 'That's ok, just relax Jessy-girl. Maybe it's the codes you're using.' So, she took the Gameshark card out and restarted the system. Maybe it was just the codes making the game mess up. I mean, why else would it keep freezing at every loading screen? Of course, that wouldn't account for the slowdown in some areas......   
  
She pressed the little black button and sat herself back down on the end of the bed, waiting for the title screen to start up. Once there, she selected to Load Game, found her save file and pressed X.   
  
It froze again. She swallowed and bit back a scream of rage. After silently counting to ten, she got back up for the 50th time and restarted the infernal little contraption.   
  
"I swear to god, one more time and I'll throw the damn thing out the window! Possibly hit the neighbor, get sued, fight back in court and scream!!!" ((Yeah, I don't get it either.))   
  
She sat herself back down and waited yet again for the little start up screen, trying to keep her anger in check. Instead of choosing her save file, she started a new game.   
  
All was fine through the first few levels, aside from various slowdown.   
  
"Aha, the Hall of Seasons. Finally." Jessy smiled to herself and checked the guidebook. Neptune's hall first. Yay. ((I love to swim. I love it good.))  
  
She'd gotten past the protruding spikes in the underwater hall, when suddenly the camera skipped and flipped until it was showing the inside of her head. ((I must admit I screamed like a little girl when this happened. Big eyes and teeth staring at me. *shudders*)) She quickly switched the camera back and everything was back to normal.   
  
'Ok well, atleast that didn't screw up the game.' She continued on.   
  
She was almost passed the last set of spikes, staying low to the ground, when all of a sudden, the character sank through the floor and disapeered.   
  
Jessy blinked and a red haze covered her vision. From all around the neighborhood her scream could be heard.  
  
"I DIDN'T SAVE YET DAMNIT!!!!!!!"   
  
She yanked the controller out and kicked the PS2 over, sending it crashing into the wall. Jessy stalked over and yanked the sword out from under her bed, and glared at the damned little console. She let out a warrior's yell and ran across the room at it, about to bring the sword down when a pounding on the wall distracted her, causing her grip to faulter and send the sword slicing through the bedroom wall.   
  
She looked at the door her mother was standing it, deathglaring her.  
  
"How many times have I told you not to use that fucking sword!? Now clean this up and GET TO BED!!!" Then she slammed the door behind her.   
  
Jessy sank to her knees and sighed. She was playing entirely too many videogames.   
  
************  
  
Wow. Why in the hell did I write that. *shruggs* Not all of this actually happened. While I DO have a sword under my bed, I would never use it so recklessly.......atleast not with someone else in the house. Hey, if someone's gonna break into my house, I'm gonna let'm have it. It was a gift from my beloved Kenneth. Thank you! :)   
  
Yeah, I'll admit, this was a great way to let out my frustrations with the new game, and all of this stuff DID happen in the game. God knows how many times. Only hardcore fans should even attempt this game.   
  
One tip I've found works for me. It may be only my game, but I found a way to bypass dropping from heights in the game. When you're near a ledge, crouch on all fores, not army crawl. Get to the edge while still crouching and I think you press X or Jump. She will launch off the ledge, no matter how high, and land on the ground unharmed. Atleast that worked for me. Or just get Gameshark codes for infinite health. It may freeze your game, but she can survive anything, even heights and instant kills.   
  
Now if all of you will excuse me, I GOTTA DANCE LIKE A MONKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


End file.
